


out in the cold so long (i didn't even know that i was cold)

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Suicide Attempt, could be read as platonic if you want but why would you, its an altruistic suicide as categotized by durkheim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22147342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ryan and Jeremy have a much needed talk during the end of the world.
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley/Ryan Haywood
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	out in the cold so long (i didn't even know that i was cold)

**Author's Note:**

> For Kay

"Honey! I'm home!" Ryan sing-songed as he walked into his home, placing his bow and quiver by the door and shaking off the snow off his clothes. It was a joke of course, or at least it was supposed to be, but still Ryan couldn't help but feel happiness spread over his chest as he watched Jeremy wobbled over, relief washing over his features as he laid his eyes on the other man. 

"Hey!" Jeremy greeted, excitedly. The two of them had been taking shelter together for the last few months but Jeremy's sheer joy and relief upon seeing Ryan after extra long hunting and scavenging trips was something he was unsure he'd _ever_ get over. It was nice not to be alone anymore. "Another hour and I'd have gone after you."

Ryan twisted his nose at the thought. "With this weather?" He asked, moving past Jeremy to go to the living room to put down his backpack and lay out all his findings. It wasn't much, a couple squirrels and a few pieces of lumber that didn't seem to be soaked through with the rain, but it was the most he would be able to assemble during a snowstorm like this. "We may have have cleared the zombie infestation but going outside alone-"

"Is what you do everyday?" Jeremy added, raising an eyebrow. He had followed Ryan into the living room and was staring down at him with his arms crossed."Rye, I was alone before before we met remember? I'm more than capable of walking ten feet away from the house without dying." He looked away, voice turning soft. "Specially if my battle buddy's life is on the line."

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes. He knew what Jeremy was saying was true, but he couldn't help but be extra careful around the lad as of late. 

_Ryan had been sick when Jeremy went missing._

_It was nothing too serious or life threatening of course, just an annoying flu that made going outside and firing a bow a bigger ordeal than it should be. When Jeremy had forced him into bedrest Ryan had been secretly thankful; since the virus broke out he had had very little time to actually slow down and rest and, despite the fact that his body hated him, he was glad to have some time to do nothing at all._

_So, for the following days, Jeremy went out alone instead of in a pair, and worried about getting food while Ryan worried about getting some sleep._

_And then, one day Jeremy left and didn't come back._

_It's already dark when Ryan realized it, he had woken up from a particularly long nap only to find their cabin empty, silent._

_He didn't even hesitate, flu be damned, Jeremy should have been back already and Ryan would rather die than let another person he cared for be taken by the undead and the cold world around them._

_The snow hadn't started to fall yet, which meant Jeremy's traces were easy enough to track, especially with as much experience as Ryan had gotten over the years. Soon enough he was on the edge of a small town, a place they hadn't fully ransacked yet but had decided against it because of the huge population of zombies. Ryan's blood froze in his veins as he started to pick up the pace, the trail had gone cold a few steps into the city so there was nothing he could do but wander cluelessly, hand firmly grasping his bow as he suppressed the urge to call for Jeremy after each step._

_In the end, it didn't take too long to find him. All Ryan had to do was follow the banging._

_There was what once seemed to be a grand street on the town, a small cul-de-sac with mostly entript houses that had fallen because of the time and slow degradation. A few homes were left standing and seemingly unexplored and while the battle buddies were sure there was something of worth in them, they both agreed it was too risky to do so with such a large infestation surrounding._

_Well, apparently only Ryan had agreed, because Jeremy was dangling from the second floor of one of the houses, zombies surrounding it and making their way inside._

_“JEREMY!” Ryan screamed, not able to contain himself. Jeremy’s head snapped towards him, and even from how far Ryan was he could see that he was crying. There was a moment when the world stood perfectly still and all the only sound Ryan could hear was his own heart beating in his ears, he knew what Jeremy was about to do, he knew because he’d do the same if he was surrounded. Ryan started running._

_And Jeremy let go._

“Rye?” Jeremy asked, pulling Ryan away from his thoughts. The lad had a concerned look in his eyes but Ryan didn’t focus on that, instead his gaze shifted to the man’s still splinted leg, a long and winding scar peeking from behind the boards on their side of his leg. It made guilt sink to the bottom of Ryan’s stomach. “You still with me, buddy?”

“I-yuh-yeah, yeah.” Ryan flubbed, shaking his head. “I’m just tired, I guess.”

Jeremy gave him a disbelieving look before sighing and moving to sit on the couch. It was a torn and frayed old thing, but neither could deny that it was comfortable and one of the things that made the cabin-previously dubbed the ‘serial killer den” by Jeremy because of its remoteness and the almost obscene amount of stuffed animal heads mounted on the walls taht have been long since thrown out after they moved in-a homely place. 

In fact, Ryan couldn’t help but notice that the cabin had grown into a much more pleasant place to live since Jeremy’s accident.Their main focus was to fix the house of course, time destroyed most residents and the cabin was no different, there were cracks and holes in the walls and due to the heavy snowstorms that had plagued this winter part of the roof had collapsed, letting the colder winter air seep in. Jeremy had taken to try and fix these problems while home alone but every once in a while he’d get momentarily distracted and Ryan would come home to see drawings made with coal hanging from walls and crazy patterns carved into the wood.

(He would never admit it, but his favourite touch to the place was a small carving on the wall next to the couch with their names written on it. It reminded him of the writing in trees that lovesick teenagers would make and it never failed to make him blush.)

  
“Ryan, what happened that day wasn’t your fault.” Jeremy starts, a sad look on his face. “I got cocky, and then I got cornered and I thought there wasn’t a way out.”

“I know.” Ryan said, doing his best to light the fireplace with the lumber he had gotten during the day. After a few attempts with his trusty lighter a small fire finally started to blossom, filling the living room in a bright orange hue. He moved back, coming to sit next to Jeremy; his clothes were absolutely filthy from outside but a dirty couch was much better than getting frostbite from taking his clothes off in a house with half a roof missing.

“And you would have done the same,” Jeremy added, scooching over to get closer to Ryan. For warmth, of course. “You told me that yourself.”

“I know-” Ryan started, but Jeremy was quick to cut him off.

“Then why do you act like you threw me off that window yourself?!” He asked, throwing his hands up in confusion.

“Because i might as well have!” Ryan all but shouted, feeling horrible as soon as the words left his mouth. “Jesus, Jeremy, you...you were all alone out there. It wasn’t right, I should have been with you.”

“And I should have been with you this morning,” Jeremy shot back, much to Ryan’s horror. “And last morning, and the one before that, and-”

“Stop!” Ryan cried, looking mortified. “You’re hurt!”  
  


“And you were sick.” Jeremy shrugged, looking at Ryan with something kin to pity in his eyes. He carefully took his hands on his on, gently caressing them with his thumb. “Ryan, I don’t blame you for what happened and neither should you.”

“I-” Ryan let out, trying to find a proper answer. The guilt still sat heavy in his stomach but it was nothing but a mask for something else, something he hadn’t dared voice yet. The first few tears started running down his face. “I-I almost lost you…”

Just like that the damn broke loose, tears and more tears escaping him now that he had finally faced what had been haunting his thoughts for weeks. He felt Jeremy pull him closer into an embrace and only then did he notice that he had been repeating those god awful words over, and over, and over again.

“Oh, rye-bread,” Jeremy said, something soft and delicate in his voice that made Ryan melt into the embrace. But there was guilty lying beneath, barely noticeable but still present. “It’s okay, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere.”

Wrapped in Jeremy's arms the weight of a day hunting and scavenging finally fell upon Ryan's shoulders. He slumped even more, feeling safe and comforted in the embrace unlike he had felt anywhere else, even before the fall of civilization. He felt the man move, before a soft blanket was thrown over the two of them and a gentle kiss was placed on top of his head. 

"I mean it, Ryan, I'm staying with you," Jeremy muttered, chin resting atop Ryan's head. "The world can end all over again, and I'll stay by your side."

Ryan's eyelids were heavy and he felt himself start to slip off into slumber, the wind howled outside, making the windows shake and the fire flicker but as Jeremy pulled him impossibly closer he couldn't help but not care.

He felt perfectly warm right where he was.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading


End file.
